Exposed

"I'm feeling so small, standing here weeping, as I'm coming clean of the secrets I'm keeping... and I'm falling apart as I carry my heart to your throne... finally giving you everything. Because you are more than enough."-Among the Thirsty

For the last few days my heart has been obsessing over a woman from the bible. Her's is by far my favorite story and it's not uncommon for me to think of her, but recently I have been wrecked with such a new found love for what she represents. Her story is so often told but I wonder how many of us allow ourselves to feel what she felt in the stories that have become just that... stories. But, she wasn't a story she was a person with a family, friends, and a very dark past. We are introduced to her as she is thrown, naked, at the feet of Jesus. When John is writing this memory he doesn't tell us her name but many scholars believe that this woman was the same woman who also washed Jesus feet. As I thought about her this week I put myself in her position. John is vague about her story we don't know how old she is, what she looks like or her social class so we have to do a little filling in of the blanks.

It's early morning and she finds herself in bed again with a man who is not her husband. Her past is unclear; perhaps she was sexually abused as a young girl and carries the weight of that: maybe her husband is controlling and she is trapped: or possibly still she has no explanation for her actions. It is unclear, what is not however, is that she is broken and searching to satisfy a need deep in her soul. Suddenly, her door is kicked open and as she desperately tries to cover herself she realizes that she has just been caught in a criminal act. Before she can register what is happening she is aggressively ripped from her bed and drug out the door. We aren't explicitly told that she was naked but we are told that she was caught in the act so we can assume that if she wasn't completely naked she was close to it. The man is left in her bed, as if he never existed and she was alone in her crime. We don't know how far they drug her undoubtedly spewing hurtful names and remarks her way. At some point she recognizes that these men are men of the church. Men that were supposed to represent God... they were called to love. Surely she knew of Jesus, He was quite popular at this point and although she was clearly not following Him she had to be familiar with his name, possibly even some of His teachings. As they make their way through the crowd to where Jesus stood she is thrown at His feet. She says nothing for no defense can be made and there is no jury to be called, she had been caught and her guilt is undeniable. All she can do is lay naked in the dirt surrounded by a crowd ready to stone her for her sin. Her face burns with shame and humiliation I cannot even imagine what she must have felt in that moment... there are no words. She had hit rock bottom. As she looks over she sees Jesus, this man she has heard of but never known, drawing in the sand. We aren't told what he is writing, maybe He needed a second to calm His anger before addressing her accusers. After a few moments He simply looks up and says, the person who has never sinned, throw the first stone. One by one they leave until she is left alone with Jesus. Without so many words, in that moment she is told that she is loved, she is valued, and she is innocent in His eyes. He calls her to turn her life around and she is forever transformed.

There is no other story that represents God's character as much as this one. She had so much in her life to be ashamed of, so much to be healed of. Like many of us I'm sure she felt as if she was too far in, too far gone to be brought back. Perhaps she had a background of faith but because of the cruelty of life's circumstances she found herself far from what she knew to be truth. I don't know where you are right now... where life has brought you. Maybe, like this woman, you find yourself exposed with no way out, trapped in a life that has brought you so much pain. Undoubtably, the most beautiful part of this story is that Jesus came down to her level. He is not towering over you waiting for an explanation of your faults. No no daughter, He is on the ground, in the dirt, gazing into your eyes. Looking past every mistake, every obstacle. He sees your heart and says you are flawless there is none more beautiful. Even in the middle of your mess you are completely and totally perfect to Him. You have not gone too far and you are not trapped. He meets us right where we are every single time we blow it and there is always a way out.

We meet her again as she is entering a house occupied by the very men who had so harshly accused her. She makes her way across the room and weeping she finds herself at the feet of Jesus again. Only this time she hasn't been tossed there she came willingly to kneel. She washes the feet of the man who changed her, with her tears. Then taking her long dark hair she dries them and pours a priceless perfume over Him to express her gratitude. She was so overwhelmed with emotion that it didn't matter that everyone in the room was looking at her with judgment. She knew she wasn't welcome in that house and yet she came because she had fallen in love with her healer. Every part of that, from her tears to the perfume, represented the cost of what she had been given.

This is what it has always been about, we have made things so complicated with the do's and don'ts. None of that has ever mattered, when we find ourselves in the dirt He is there offering us everything in exchange for our brokenness. There isn't a word that begins to describe how He feels about you; love, adore, treasure... they all fall flat. Lift up your eyes and you'll find Him there, let Him show you how gentle He is with your heart that has been so bruised.

"Nothing is hidden from Your sight. Wherever I go You find me. You know every detail of my life, You are God and You don't miss a thing." -Bethel