Roots

“God has set within you a femininity that is powerful and tender, fierce and alluring. No doubt it has been misunderstood. Surely it has been assaulted. But it is there, your true heart, and it’s worth recovering. You are captivating.” –Stasi Eldredge 

Some of my favorite things in the world are big trees, I’m not talking about the ones that are in your front yard that you don’t give a second glance to, but the ones which take your breath away. The trees that are the very embodiment of power and beauty. As stunning as they may be the most important part of these trees is unseen; under the soil, reaching, stretching and winding in all directions finding the nutrients necessary for what we see on the surface. Without healthy roots a tree capable of being breathtaking falls flat, literally. 

We are much like these trees, you have the ability to be breathtaking and magnificent but if your roots are bent and broken you cannot be everything you were made to be. It skews every part of our lives, the way we see intimate relationships, friendships, God, and even ourselves. It is the lens through which we see life.

So often we try to "fix" ourselves by just changing our actions but until the root of the problem is addressed it's like putting a bandaid on an infected wound. Sooner or later that wound is going to need to be cleaned from the inside in order for true healing to begin. 

For myself the condition of my roots was reflected in a need to self medicate with alcohol and men. These things were never the main cause of the problem, they were just the symptoms of something much deeper. Had I chose to just cut myself off from making bad choices without going deep into my heart issues, eventually I would have gone back to what was familiar. Without healing I would always revert to what I knew, what was comfortable, when pressure was applied. 

One of the emotions that came up for me when I was digging up my roots was guilt. I felt like I was dredging up the past and being selfish for letting myself feel past hurts. Can I just tell you right now that your healing has nothing to do with blaming others for where you are now. It's about going back to times when your heart was broken and allowing God to heal it. It's about letting that little girl inside you who was scared be comforted by a God who never fails. It's about allowing love to cover the shame of your past mistakes instead of guilt. Nothing that hurt your heart is irrelevant, it matters, you matter. 

Go back to those places and allow yourself to feel your feelings there. This is where surrounding yourself with people who want to see you grow becomes crucial. We were never meant to live life alone and having someone who has walked where you have been and come out stronger is priceless. Talk it out, be angry; be hurt; don't hold back. Then, give it to God, let Him take it from you it was never yours to carry in the first place. It's not easy by any means but it's so worth it. As I have allowed Him to take my broken pieces the relationships that were associated with them have either gotten stronger or become a part of my story with no other relevance. 

Until you are willing to address the root of the problem you will live your life on the surface never uncovering your true potential, never discovering how much good is buried with the hurt.  Be brave and start digging, you won't regret it.