Consistency

The topic of this post is made even more real by the fact that it has been so incredibly long since I've written here. Those of you who know me well know that consistency is not a gift of mine. It is a huge area of weakness in my life that I'm sure is rooted in something much more profound than, I'm just not good at it. That's what I like to tell myself anyway. Unquestionably, the area that gets hit the hardest by this emotional defect is my faith. I always know when I have been neglecting my relationship with God because I begin to ask the people around me to fulfill unrealistic expectations. Namely, my husband, poor guy. But, this isn't a post about receiving validation from people instead of God (although that is a for real struggle, I have about 6 posts on that topic alone), this is about knowing exactly where to go for everything I need and still choosing not to.

I think what I am beginning to realize is that in order for relationships to grow and thrive there must be depth. Up until now, the biggest role God has played in my life is healer. I was a mess when I was met by His love. It was profound, and it was all consuming, and it was exactly what I needed in that season. I know Him as the one who put it all back together and because of my brokenness I had no choice but to let it all go. And because that is where I met Him, that is the box I have put Him in. I find myself only reaching for Him when I need healing and it has stalled our relationship. I have not known Him as friend, as father (other than the father wounds he restored in me), as provider, as savior, as peace giver, and all the other names He possesses.

Like so many of my realizations about myself this too comes back to fear. I trust Him as healer, I've been transformed by that name. I have trouble with the others though, because I've never allowed myself to realize my need for Him in any other area. Then there is that piece of me that forgets that He truly does want to know me, and to be known by me. I so often feel the responsibility to turn His work in me into something He is proud of. Like I have been released into the world and He is in the audience cheering me on, but I'm not quite ready so don't look! 

In so many ways we are groomed for these kinds of relationships.

Put your best foot forward!
Be prepared!
Don't get caught off guard!
Show them your best!

None of these things are bad, of course! They are all encouraging and useful statements of advice. However, when we are so worried with only showing God a perfected final show, we miss out on all goodness He wants to show us along the way.

I have only just begun to scratch the surface of who He is. This year, instead of asking God to hold on until I'm ready, I am inviting Him into the process. In every capacity and every name. I'm sure there will be times when I mess it up and neglect Him, but consistency has the power to bring transformation. Healer will always be His first name to me, and probably the dearest because He has been so tender there. However, there is a depth and an elevation that is calling me.

If you find yourself in a similar spot I encourage you to identify what name you have restrained God to. Whatever He has been in the past I invite you to join me in discovering all the things He longs to be in your future.

LEVEL UP!