Relationship

"We become human only in the company of other human beings. And this involves both opening our hearts and giving voice to our deepest convictions. ...When we shrink from the world, our souls shrink, too."  Paul Rogat Loeb

Before I was capable of understanding who God was and therefore how He valued me, God brought people into my life to show me a glimpse of His love.

I felt Him in every one of their hugs

I saw Him when their eyes were full of compassion for me

I found His love every time I messed up and they were there waiting to help me back up. 

We were never made to live life alone especially in times of brokenness and healing. We need each other to speak life and to help us see things we can't always see on our own. God gave us each other so that we could encourage, love and listen when people expose their struggle, not to condemn and reject.

When I made a commitment to accountability and consistency it completely transformed my life. If we aren't held accountable to anyone we tend to slip up because there isn't anyone there when we find ourselves at a crossroad. After about a year of going back and forth about what I really wanted in terms of my healing and holding onto other parts of my life I wasn't ready to give up, I hit a rock bottom. After that night I made a list and I went to one of the women who has been my rock through everything, and I asked her to hold me to that list. I knew that in that moment I could not go on living as I had been and the things on that list were non negotiable.

They included things like church and a girls night I had been in and out of were no longer and option, I would be there every week come hell or high water. I needed to show up and be present even when I didn't feel like it. In that season I chose to quit drinking for awhile, it wasn't the root of my problem but it was something I turned to instead of God and it was in the background of many bad nights. Another huge part of that list, I believe it was written "NO BOYS (at all)" haha it was a very emotionally charged list. I knew at that moment in my life I wasn't capable of having a healthy relationship and I had done enough damage to my heart I didn't need to add onto that.

Before this she was there to answer my questions and listen to my struggles but in that moment I gave her the authority to sharpen me. I wanted to go to the next level and that meant allowing her to have a say in my decisions and I value the words that she has spoken in every facet of my walk.

Accountability doesn't work without brutal honesty. The more you open up the easier it gets and the lighter you feel. Don’t hold anything back, let it all out; the good, the bad and especially the ugly. I was able to walk through so much because I had people in my life that weren’t afraid to get their hands dirty in the messiness of my life and I wasn’t too prideful to let them go there. The truth is, the enemy wants you to feel like you are alone and isolated, and this couldn’t be further from the truth. Friend, you are not alone and nothing you are going through could ever isolate you from the love of the Father. It doesn’t matter where you have been or what you have done there is absolutely nothing you could ever say or reveal that will surprise Him or make Him turn away, this is the way we should operate in our relationships. There should never be anything so messy; too much work or too deep that would cause us to loosen our grip on one another. Our arms should wrap tighter around those who have found the boldness to expose their struggles, it’s something to be proud of and it should be celebrated.

Be specific and make clear, detailed boundaries. I have found that in the moment, if your boundaries aren’t specific enough it is far too easy to figure out a way around them. Once you have done this give a copy to your mentor and ask them to keep you in check. Like I mentioned earlier your actions are not the root of the problem but so much of the time our bad decisions keep us from getting closer to God. We feel guilty and not good enough (neither of which are from God, by the way) so we pull further away. It’s ok to mess up, god knows I have had my fair share of screw-ups and tear filled conversations with my mentors when I felt like I didn’t measure up. The key is to keep going, don’t give up, and stay candid. Where you are is ok, just be honest about it.

The amazing thing about these kinds of relationships is somehow they give us the ability to reach down into places we didn't know existed and pull things out we didn't know were there. I could never have walked through so much without those people in my life and they are still pushing me to go deeper and further. They are so necessary and so rewarding.