Sex

"We are all born sexual creatures, thank God, but it's a pity so many people despise and crush this natural gift." -Marilyn Monroe 

Quite a few months ago a friend asked me to share something I wanted to accomplish in my life. The answer came to me instantly and without hesitation my response was that I wanted to write to women about sex. At the time I was still deeply walking through my own past but I knew that if I felt this way I couldn't be the only one.   

The world has told us that one night stands and friends with benefits are harmless fun and in an attempt to make something so sacred help mend our hearts we broke sex. We abused it, mistreated it, and then tossed it aside as meaningless. But you see, sex was never meant to stand alone. It was never made to be the sole connection between two people, made and broken over and over. It's like a waxing strip, the first time you rip that sucker off it hurts like hell, but if you keep using that same strip the stickness wears off and it hurts less and less each time until eventually it doesn't stick at all and it becomes useless, broken.

I used to think of sex this way. Not important, insignificant, it was "just sex" and I was all about it. I loved men (still do), their strength, laying with someone who wanted you even if it was just for a minute, realizing the power we have as women and everything I ever did in those moments cost me something. I didn't always realize it and I didn't always feel guilty but I always, always left feeling empty. Sex is never just sex. It wasn't until much later down the road that I realized what I had given away and how painful it would be to get it back. That's the good news though, you can get it back. Your heart and the connection between the physical and emotional. While it's true that the past can never be rewritten it can be redeemed.

If you identify as a woman with a strong sexual drive let me encourage you by saying you are not alone and you are not abnormal. I strongly believe that just as we all like different things we all have different levels of sexual desire. Like mine, though, your sex drive was awoken prematurely. Sex is good, sex is fun, sex is God created and He wants you to enjoy every single benefit that it brings, with your husband. This is a really scary thought I know, when I first considered it I fully believed it was impossible to go from handy-j on the first date to waiting until I was married to get physical. Plus what if the man of my dreams turned out to be a bad lover and I didn't know that until our wedding night? Bad sex for the rest of my life is not something I am willing to compromise for and I make not apologies for that. Then it dawned on me, if I am willing to trust God with every part of my life I needed to trust Him here too. God knows us better than we know ourselves and He wants His children to be happy. It’s ok to ask God for a man who is a good lover, for some reason the church has made anything sexual a taboo subject. I am painfully candid about the topic and I'm not sorry for that. On the same token, you are too valuable and too precious to give your body to any man that isn’t your husband.I’m not saying it’s easy, in fact my sexual identity was the hardest thing I had let God restore. Before you believe that you are worth waiting for and before the preciousness of your body is a reality, you have to know your identity as a daughter of God and allow him to determine your self worth. It's a mindset change and you are so worth waiting for. 

Beautiful regardless of your past you are not used, you are not dirty, and you are not exempt from all the amazing things God has for you and your husband in bed. Talk to God about it tell Him everything you're feeling. It's ok to talk to Him about sex, He created it. 

Once you have the revelation that your body, heart, and soul were very much created to be intertwined it becomes more clear that while it may be satisfying in the moment, a quickie is never worth what it costs you. 

I still have to stop and remind myself of that from time to time and that's ok. We all make choices day by day and one day you look back and can say "look how far I've come" instead of focusing on "look how far I have to go".