Validation

"Open up before God, keep nothing back; He'll do whatever needs to be done; He'll validate your life in the clear light of day and stamp you with approval" Psalm 37:5-6

I am not the type of person that enjoys being alone. In fact it's one of my least favorite things in the world. I love being with people and I like being in the action. We were created to love and be loved and there is nothing wrong with this. The problem comes when we look to people to define our self worth instead of God. As women we do this especially often with men. We want them to notice us and to affirm within us that we are worth loving.

I did this a lot. I always wanted to be talking to a guy and when I wasn't I felt insignificant and unimportant. It didn't always even matter who it was as long as there was some male figure who I could communicate with. For some reason words from the men in our lives have the ability to be so powerful. I never wanted to be alone, not even for a night. It wasn't that someone always had to be there physically, sometimes I just wanted them there emotionally. This is a dangerous place to be because I was putting all my emotional satisfaction in the hands of imperfect people. One thing I have learned over the past couple years is that so many of the mistakes I have made in the physical were linked to something I was going through emotionally.

The attention I got from men was never quite enough though. I always wanted more and I was never completely satisfied. When we look to men for validation we are setting them up for failure and ourselves for disappointment every time because we are asking them to fill a void they were never created to fill. God created us in His image which means there is a piece of Him in all of us but when we are separated from Him we feel the emptiness of the space only He can fill. Babe if you are feeling empty and broken a man will never be able to fill you up or put the pieces back together. It's a cry from your heart to be near your creator and He longs to come in and satisfy all the places in your heart that are empty.

God took me through a time of being alone when I didn't talk to guys at all. I had received so much of my validation from men that my unhealthy dependence on them became a wall that wouldn't allow me to move further into my healing, it was like I was stuck. The time I spent focused on just God and I completely changed my life. It was in those months that I learned just how He saw me and He gave me everything I ever wanted in a man. He radically changed the way I thought and how I saw; He changed everything. Even now I still have to check my heart when it comes to guys. For so long I let what they said or didn't say define me and occasionally out of old habits I find myself going back to seeking validation there. It's in those moments that I ask God to remind me who I am. For a year one of the prayers I prayed the most was "God show me how you see me" and as I let Him in and put the distractions aside He did.  

Your self worth has never been measured by any man in your life it's simply a result of you belonging to Him. And He says you are whole because He made you whole and you don't need a man to complete you because you are already completely perfect in His eyes.

Again, it comes back to your identity and realizing that no matter what the opposite sex thinks of you His opinion has never changed and in the end it's the only thing that really matters. Changing the way you have done things your whole life is never easy, but if you are willing to make the hard choices in the end you will be amazed by what you find. Then when you're ready and the man of your dreams comes on the scene and he thinks the world of you... it won't define you but it will be a bonus on top of your identity in Him.