Intimacy

"God rewrote the text of my life when I opened the book of my heart to His eyes." 

Psalm 18:24

Vulnerable: 
1. Capable of or susceptible to being wounded or hurt. 
2. Open to moral attack, criticism, temptation, etc.
3. Open to assault; difficult to defend.

These are the three definitions that dictionary.com gives to the word "vulnerable". Each of them negative, each of them seeming to say, "Beware! If you give in to vulnerability you will be hurt". No wonder our generation has such an aversion to letting someone in completely, with definitions like this who would ever willingly allow themselves to be subjected to that? So often we equate vulnerability to weakness but in my experience it takes more strength to show someone everything than it does to keep up walls. Like so much of our experience with God, He asks us to go against our nature and come to Him completely exposed. Bringing the very brokenness that we hate because vulnerability breeds intimacy. 

There were things in my heart that I didn't want to see because of how embarrassed of my thoughts and choices I was. I didn't want to let God in because I was so ashamed of what He was going to see. Shame and guilt are never from God though. They are weapons the enemy loves to use to make us feel isolated and alone. I didn't know what to say to Him I just knew that I was so broken I didn't even know where all the pieces were. Admitting to brokenness isn't a bad thing and it does not mean you are weak, when we have nothing left He can come in and give us everything. I had to open my eyes to my own need for Him before I was able to open my heart to Him. 

I can't count the hours I've spent weeping in His presence, begging Him to take away the pain and heal my heart. Completely exposed, completely powerless; what a scary place to be. It's in those times I heard "yes I will put the pieces back together and yes I am here to heal your heart, but first I am going to hold you" and the love of a Father is captured in a moment. 

There is no doubt in my mind that your heart has been assaulted by those who you trusted it to. Whether it was through a decision you made or circumstances that you had no control over, people who are supposed to cherish our hearts so often break them. This is where it gets hard, separating the nature of man from the nature of God. You see, without healing our wounds become the filter through which we see God. The only way to experience His character is by allowing yourself to let Him in, even when you're scared. Regardless of who has mistreated your heart the truth remains: found intertwined in His love He is so gentle and so careful with us. 

He already knows our deepest secrets. He knows the most intimate levels of our being. He knows us... but relationships are a two way street. Its our turn to find the intimate levels of His heart, to find what makes Him tick. If you know who He is you discover who you are because you, daughter, are a direct reflection of Him. Your identity is rooted in Him because you were made in his image. 

What the world see's as foolish and a way to be captured and defeated, God sees as a gateway to complete freedom and without vulnerability there can never be true intimacy.